Creative Ritual: Bearing Witness, Saying Goodbye
Creativity is the ready remedy. When the gravity of grief sinks in, the depths of emotion can be navigated with simple forms of expression that help us bear witness and say goodbye. The loss of a loved one through death or the end of a relationship can be tragic and transformative. Endings bring new beginnings, but first we must take time for self-care and honoring the loss. Grief is one of life’s most poignant emotions. It reminds us that we love and are loved and what matters most.
Grieving has five clinical stages that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not sure I’ve felt all of these in this order, but my psyche gets a workout. Through the many losses in my life, a cure-all for balancing stress and waves of sadness is creativity. Tried and true, my art therapies are drawing, watercolors, writing, and origami, and the extra time needed for self-reflection and reflecting on the positive memories of that special person, time, or place. Along with warm hugs and consoling from living loved ones, creative mourning is a way to understand loss and find a language that bears witness to love and lived experience. Grieving has its own time and movement. When our warm salty tears melt into smiles, we can go forward with resilience and the wisdom gained from sharing life with someone loved.
The hardest thing is saying goodbye. You don’t get people back. For me, this was woefully difficult when a dear and brilliant friend died who knew me the best the longest. He was elderly and passed from natural causes, but because of COVID, his loved ones couldn’t gather for a traditional funeral. Until we could safely travel and be together, there was no physical manifestation of our collective grief, no human body we could put to rest. Unfortunately, there is an emerging crisis of delayed grieving, emotional isolation, and loss in all aspects of daily life that is affecting the global population. We face a new pandemic of trauma and grief. The way we ritualize and honor what and whom we love is essential to healing the past and embracing the future. It is important to say goodbye, in some form, in silent prayer or public ceremony, with our hearts, minds, and hands.
There were many things I needed to express about how much I loved and missed my friend who passed away. I wrote a love letter with the happy memories we shared, then printed it on a square paper and folded it into a crane. Writing and origami became the magic mediums. To acknowledge our friends who predeceased him, I selected colorful papers and made cranes for each soul. It took time to gather my thoughts and feelings and all my strength to be present in the process. I embraced self-care to mourn and celebrate. Seeing the cheerful cranes in my studio made me smile.
Months later, on a quiet day with a close friend, we created a ceremony to bear witness to the loss of our loved one. We read poetry and a tribute, and then, in the golden light of late fall, we set the cranes adrift in the little river by his cottage and said goodbye. The animated cranes were an embodiment of the deceased, though there was no physical body. We watched and cried as the seaworthy paper birds sailed away. Ultimately, a year later, there was a wonderful memorial with his family and friends, and his ashes were put to rest in our lovely Maine town by the sea. It was a hopeful and healing time - though sad, it was a happy ending with a silver lining and the promise of new beginnings. Loves never leaves.
Written by Laura Jaquays for the ART HOPE Journal.